We celebrate Mother’s Day on Sunday. People associate this day with flowers, cards, phone calls and taking mom out to breakfast. For those of us who have been fortunate enough to be raised by a mother who nurtured us, believed in us, and helped us to see our value and worth, this is an important day for remembering and giving thanks—and sharing the love that we have received. Mothers not only birth us into the world, they help us become ourselves and discover that unique and wonderful gift that each of us brings to making our world a better place. Moms, we celebrate and thank you!
Mother’s Day can also be a grieving day for some and a bittersweet day for others. For some, this is the first Mother’s Day without Mom. For others, it may be the reminder of a child lost through illness, accident, miscarriage, or stillbirth. For others it’s a reminder of a deep longing for a child that life has never given them. For birth moms, adoptive moms and adoptive children there is often the wounding of loss mixed in with the love. And for some, mother is a wounded place inside and surfaces painful memories. We grieve with you and want to support you. We have included some resources at the end of this message.
These weeks around Mother’s Day are always a challenge for us as we provide Soul Care mentoring for women in prison away from their children. Fifty-six percent of the women have minor age children. Research shows that children of incarcerated mothers are five times more likely to end up incarcerated themselves.
We are so grateful for your support, and prayers that makes our presence in Soul Care possible. Our sessions with the women are particularly intense during this month. The facility where we mentor does provide special Moms and Kids days with opportunities for fun, sharing and pictures, but the majority of moms are left outside these times of connection. Some of the women we mentor are grieving the permanent loss of their children who have been placed for adoption. Others are dealing with the traumatic impact on their children whose lives have been dramatically changed due to mom’s incarceration. Can they ever forgive themselves? How can they ever make it up to their children? Some mothers have the rare privilege of seeing their children on visiting day, speaking to them on the phone and receiving letters from them. They work hard to parent effectively to ensure that their children do not continue the cycle of incarceration.
It's good to celebrate our mothers with a special gift on Mother’s Day. But this holiday really calls us to a deeper level of reflection. Being a mother is courageous, exhausting, sacrificial work as well as meaningful and joyful. Do we really support mothers in the commitment they make? This holiday was initiated with a focus of bringing peace to our world—a call to end violence and respect for all life. Mothers instill values in their children that build healthy societies. There is also something of the divine nurturer and guide in all of us that knows the value of care, of listening, of relationship, particularly Friendship, for bringing healing, understanding and peace to our lives and to our world.
We will be remembering all of you with deep appreciation this weekend. Thank you for all the ways through simple listening, friendship, and service, you encourage the growth of others and bring healing to our world!
Some Resources:
If you are in a place in your life where you believe you could benefit from a single session or ongoing Soul Care, we would be happy to connect you with one of our well-trained spiritual directors/soul care providers.
If you know someone who has lost a child, we want to offer you these organizational links: