This month is a wonderful time for us to reflect on the value and the vocation of elders in our community. We live in a challenging time when the U.S. Surgeon General and the CDC have declared a mental health crisis in our youth. Although exacerbated by the pandemic, this crisis was already evident a full decade prior to the outbreak of Covid.
Psychological research studies conducted during this same decade have given us some insights into the importance of intergenerational relationships. We now know that the relationship between engaged grandparents/elders and young people can have a prophylactic effect against mental illness. The effect has a healing and empowering impact for both generations.
There are different relationships between grandparents and grandchildren. Some grandparents never choose to engage. Others may choose a relationship that is instrumental in nature like babysitting when needed or giving financial assistance. Although a transactional relationship of this nature has its benefits for the family system and the young people, there is no evidence of psychological or spiritual benefits. The deepest form of engagement is emotional in nature. These relationships involve listening to, counseling and mentoring grandchildren. An unbreakable bond develops in the pleasure of each other’s company and the mutual support this provides. This emotional closeness fosters the well-being of grandchildren and the conflict resolution and coping skills of teens and young adults. Studies have even shown the healing benefit of this emotional closeness with reduced hyperactivity, lessoned anxiety, greater self-confidence and increased prosocial behavior in grandchildren.
Remaining present to young people as they enter their teen years involves a special set of challenges. But grandparents who choose to continue to engage with their grandchild, listen and learn about what is important to them and provide unconditional love offer an enduring framework for the young person’s future. This way of being present ensures the young person, “I am seen.” This way of being present also mentors and empowers the young person with social skills that not only give stability during challenging times, but also orients them to service in the community. Two recent studies with young adults describe the enduring impact of relational grandparenting. These young adults reported conversations and experiences with grandparents that remained “touchstones” for them when faced with difficult choices. Some young adults reported that even after the death of their beloved grandparent, that presence and the values and life orientation they absorbed continued to guide them.
Pope Francis regularly recognizes grandparents and elders as a concrete sign that “God never abandons the children.” Speaking about the 2024 World Day of Grandparents and Elders, he described grandparents as “the firm foundation on which new stones can rest.” The invitation to grandparents is to never give up on engaging the young.